Friday, April 18, 2014

Forever Intertwined

It’s been a long time since I wrote about anyone… or anything. A lot has changed since my last post. Jobs have come and gone. Girlfriends have come and gone. Dates have been few, but pleasant. Writing this today is somber, and a little hung over.




Dreams are interesting. I’ve always found dream interpretation to be interesting, but I’ve only ever taken these interpretation books and websites with a grain of salt. We all dream, but we don’t always remember them when we wake. I frequently have vivid dreams and remember them with great detail. There are many that I don’t. Most are pleasant, some are funny, and others are terrifying nightmares.


Some time ago, I wrote about my Dusty Dog coming to see me in a dream post mortem.


He wasn’t the first to pass on to later visit me in a dream. My grandmother, Yai Yai, as us grandkids all addressed her, died more than ten years ago. Some time after her passing, I dreamed of an old telephone – one that had a cord and was plugged into the wall. In the dream, I was in a living room of a small house. The old phone was ringing. I picked it up to my ear and heard static. I said through the static, “Hello?” I could hear a woman’s voice faintly over the crackling, but could not make out words. The static stopped, the call was disconnected. I hung it up.


It rang again. Static… but then I heard, clearly, my grandmother’s voice, “I love you, Joshua…”


Her voice was gone as I tried to speak. Even in the dream I knew she was dead. I wanted so bad to talk to her. But the call was gone, and the phone didn’t ring again.


Although I wrote it off as a nice, yet heartbreaking, dream, this was the first time someone would communicate from ‘the other side.’


My grandfather passed about five years ago. I’ve seen him in many dreams, heard his voice, but he and I haven’t talked in a dream – until recently, but more about that in a bit.


A week ago tonight, I lost a dear friend. He was way too young. Friday night, John, or Mudd, as we all affectionately knew him, came to my table in the tavern to say goodnight. I stood, shook his hand, and with a brotherly hug, said the parting words that I’ve always said, “Love you, brother. Ride safe. See you next time!” No one would ever know that just a few miles away would be his last goodnight.


Two nights ago, I was inundated with vivid dreams. I shall discuss them now, only in the way that dreams are never quite like reality:


In a suburb neighborhood, not unlike that of Homosassa Hills, full of unique cookie-cutter houses, I was approaching the front door of a pleasant looking place not unlike that of the Stark family residence a block away from my childhood home. However, it was not the Starks’ home, it had been converted into a bar-b-cue smokehouse restaurant of sorts.


As the crowd entered the front door, the line passed through the living room and were served drinks – of all kinds – then passed through the kitchen for a plate of bar-b-cue with all the sides and trimmings, then exited the back door into a large back yard with picnic tables, a small pavilion shading an acoustic band, and a strange bin full of roasted peanuts.


This bin of peanuts was no small bin. At least four feet square, built of two-by-fours and plywood, taller than my waist… filled to the bottom with roasted peanuts.


I had my clear plastic cup of beer in one hand, and was balancing a plate of food in the other as I pushed the wood framed screen door open with my toe. Outside, in the sunshine-filled, summery back yard, I saw the typical Florida lawn. Mostly green and lush, but only white sand and patches of crab grass in the highly trafficked areas. I surveyed the tables and found a corner to rest my plate and beer while I went for a fistful of peanuts.


At the opposite side of the peanut bin stood a man, leaning on the bin at his hip and cracking peanuts. I approached the bin and reached in as the man turned my direction. I looked up from the peanuts, and Mudd was there smiling at me.


“Hey, brother!” I said cheerfully, “I didn’t expect to see you here!”


With the big smile that only John can make and happiness in his voice, he said, “Yeah, I died two days ago!” Followed by a boisterous laugh.


The timing within this dream is not accurate. In waking life, John had passed five days before.


I moved around the bin to stand closer to Mudd. At this time, many others did as well… all wanting to talk to him. Among all the chattering and trying to get my own words in, I heard myself ask him, “How long can you stay?”


I was aware in my dream that he was visiting, but I was not aware that I was dreaming. He was happy and cheerful, as Mudd always is! Although I never heard a response from him regarding his duration of stay, we were all happy. Laughing together, eating bland bar-b-cue, salty peanuts, and drinking cold beer.


As dreams have a way of doing, I was abruptly transported to the street in front of the house-turned-biker-bbq-joint. I was walking north. The beautiful afternoon had suddenly turned to early night. Just after dusk. As I continued north, I was no longer on a Florida suburb street. I was on the old two lane Highway 17 on the south side of Hampstead, North Carolina.


I saw a Piggly Wiggly on the left that I know really isn’t there by the big oak. Anyone from Hampstead knows the big oak, as well as I do. I thought about the few groceries I needed as I crossed the street into the Piggly Wiggly.


Coming through the sliding front door, I saw a single cash register and a few aisles leading back to the meat department of the small grocery mart. I went right, towards the produce.


Walking parallel to the face of the building, I was approaching a refrigerated case of orange juice on my left.


There was a tall, pleasant man with silky grey hair looking over the selection of orange juice. I passed behind him, making my way to the produce. Once he was behind me, I heard him clear his throat.


“I know that man,” I thought to myself and turned to see it was my grandfather standing there. Being clever and funny, like he always was, instead of saying anything, I decided that I would approach him from behind and stand uncomfortably close next to him until he looked at me.


As I had planned, he turned his head to look at me and his expression of uncertainty instantly turned to a face of joy! We chuckled together as I put my arm around his shoulders and looked into the orange juice case with him.


At this point, the dream became cloudy, but I recall walking throughout the store with him, talking lightly. I wish I could remember all that we talked about. At one point he asked me, “Why are you shopping here? Isn’t there a Hoggly Woggly closer to your house?”


“Well, yeah.” I said, “But I came up here to make an insurance payment at State Farm.” Even in my dream, I knew this was a lie. I don’t have State Farm insurance. I’ve never lied to him before, why would I in a dream?


As dreams have a way of doing, I was abruptly transported again.


Exiting the front door of Piggly Wiggly did not exit to where I entered. Rather, I was coming down the front steps of my old house in Wilmington, North Carolina. The bright, summery, sun-shiny day had returned. Making a right, I headed towards the big part of my yard where the oak trees are.


I saw mom near the neighbor’s fence. She’s living, of course.


“Hey!” I hollered. She turned to me as I was making my way across the lawn.


“I’ve got someone here who misses you!” she yelled back.


From around the corner of the fence, my great big Dusty Dog was running full tilt straight at me!


I dropped to my knees as he barreled into me. I wrapped my arms around his big chest and held his head to my neck. He was so happy and excited he couldn’t hold still!


As I was loving on Dusty and playing with him, mom went to sit in the swinging bench hung between the two big oak trees. Dusty and I made our way closer the swing as mom was saying, “He’s been looking for you.”


Thinking of my grandfather, I glanced back to the front door of my old house. I wanted to tell mom who I was just walking with. I was aware that going through the door of my house would not lead back into Piggly Wiggly, but into my disarranged, bare-floored, unkempt house.

Dusty and I played and mom watched with happiness in her eyes and a beautiful smile on her face. Strangely though, behind the swing in the oaks, was a dog house. It wasn’t Dusty’s. He was an inside dog. This dog house wasn’t any old wooden dog house. It was a small teardrop camper that had sunk into the North Carolina soil down to its floor. It was aluminum, the paint was faded and peeling. I could make out some of the lettering of the Spartan logo from the forties.


“Mom! This is a Spartan camper! Do you know how rare these are?”


Spartan did build campers and tag-along trailer homes through the forties, but never a teardrop camper.


This camper-turned-doghouse was in my neighbor’s yard. I was scratching Dusty’s ear with my left hand while looking towards the neighbor’s home thinking about how to ask them if I could take it to restore it.


In an instant I was awake. It was just after five AM.


Three of my favorite people dropped in to say hello. In a dream that felt like an hour, it had passed in mere seconds.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Enjoy a moment. Unless you hesitate...

How strange it is.



We reach a point in life that we start wondering about /certain/ things. Not asking for anything, but feeling genuine concern for those in our history and future. Suddenly, old friends come back into our little windows... surprisingly, many at once.

How wonderful! How grateful I am! I love them. I've missed them. I am proud to have them again.

I'm so certain! Although I've never been so uncertain before.

I am certain that tomorrow and the following days, weeks, months, years, and even decades will be nothing like any of the days, weeks, months, years, or decades of my past. I welcome tomorrow!

:-D

This moment, I couldn't be happier!

[Live in the moment or don't.]

Namaste.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Stomp the grapes.

I sit here and I see the envelope from my alma mater. Within that envelope is my Associate's Degree, Aviation Maintenance Technology. I know I should feel special, accomplished, educated, proud... but what I really feel is discontent.


All of my life I have learned of the value of that piece of paper before me. I do not disagree with the arguments. Yes, as a graduate of a degree I will earn more money, but I still have to pay for it.

This was a costly degree, and so is the Bachelor's Degree I am currently seeking. The Associate's degree put me into debt. The Bachelor's is putting me further into debt.

I have spent the few 'low-income' scholarships I did qualify for, for simply being  broke. I have applied for many others... most of which, I have learned, competitors' were written by Master's degree holders on the behalf of the entry-level college students (an act that is eligible for disbarment). My applications, and the required research papers, were written by me, from my own experience, research, and [lack of] education. I was not educated in the art of cheating.

It hurts me greatly to know that many of the kind-hearted individuals I know, and call my alumni, and friends, will have greater financial success because they don't have huge college loans like I do.

I guess this is a lesson to me: it really doesn't matter who you know, or even who you blow, the lesson is exactly what we learn from politics....

"The one who dies with the most money wins."

I gave up on money a long time ago. I had money once, and all I did was snort it up my nose. I had a job I hated, in an industry I didn't like; but they paid me a lot of money to be miserable. How often do you hear of a 24-year-old making $70 grand a year and can't make his $350 per month mortgage payment? Yeah, I was that guy. My paycheck went up my nose, or down my neck - for a few years before life happened.

...

When I arrived at the front door of Spartan College of Aeronautics and Technology, I only had what I came with: me, my Dusty-dog, and what I could fit for the both of us in my little Isuzu Rodeo... we drove nearly 1300 miles on the hopes of what that Spartan recruiter had promised. I was just more than 90-days clean of coke.

Before I left North Carolina, I was promised a place to live, and a job that paid a minimum of $8.50 per hour.

Spartan did, in fact, find me a place to live. I could have never made the application fees, let alone the deposits required! But Spartan didn't pay them. The fees and deposits were thanks to the parents of my never-before-seen roommate. We met that day, in the clubhouse. They footed my bill. To this day, I will never understand why they took that leap of faith on me - the mess I was.

Zach and I were not only phenomenal roommates, we were best friends. We are still close to this very day. My financial debt to his parents has been squared, but I am still in debt... and probably always will be.

Spartan promised me a place to live and a job that paid a dollar above minimum wage. Somehow I am lauded with blessings from the Breyne family. Perhaps, on that hot day, my Dusty waiting in the running truck had something to do with that decision to pay my leasing fees; perhaps the bit of life experience I had to offer had something to do with nothing. I am not asking their reasons, nor do I wish to know them. I am proud to have been accepted in the situation.

I picked up all that I could carry, the nearest and dearest things to my heart, my Dusty first. We left a lot of friends. A lot of family. The distance separates us now, but that distance is easier to surpass than a simple apology.

Dusty isn't here any more. I lost him over two years ago. But my alumni are. My friends are. My family are. And just like me and my Dusty, we are forever intertwined... and we will be forever.

But here we are, tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Countless jobs I lost out on because the other guy had a piece of paper. I have a piece of paper too, now. But I am going to have to live the next ten years in near poverty to pay for that piece of paper. I will be over forty years old before I can start planning for retirement. A typical retirement plan needs 25-40 years to mature.... then I will be in my late 60's.

So, I can go on to a job I hate for a company I don't like. Pay my loans and be miserable til I'm in my 40's... just so I can start 'putting away' for my retirement? Screw that. I'd rather be happy than broke any day.

I'm right back where I started. Fuckit... just transfer it all to my Mastercard and leave it there... you can collect when I'm dead.... I don't intend to pay while I'm living... I'm here to pay you for the privilege of life...

I've always wanted to try skydiving, hang gliding, landing a 757 without training, scuba diving, underwater welding, taking a motorcycle across the Blue Ridge Parkway, drink a Guinness beer in Dublin, stomp grapes in Romania...

I may never know my what my purpose is in life... but I know what it isn't.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Double Bacon with a side of Martyr...

Maybe I'll be that guy. Maybe I'll be that martyr. Perhaps the day will come when I am "the crazy guy" in front of your favorite seafood restaurant. How many coalitions have begun with Leviticus 22:18 against homosexuality? I am a straight man, but does Leviticus 11:9-12 mean nothing?
“These you may eat, of all that are in the waters. Everything in the waters that has fins and scales, whether in the seas or in the rivers, you may eat. But anything in the seas or the rivers that has not fins and scales, of the swarming creatures in the waters and of the living creatures that are in the waters, is detestable to you. You shall regard them as detestable; you shall not eat any of their flesh, and you shall detest their carcasses. Everything in the waters that has not fins and scales is detestable to you."
As detestable as homosexuality? Apparently not. Lest there be many hypocrites.
 
 It is not my intent to slam Christianity, however, there is no way to say this without slamming Christianity: If you eat shrimp, crab, lobster, mussels, oysters, clams, or even catfish, YOU ARE AN ABOMINATION for eating of forbidden flesh.
 
How can you eat these things, as a Christian, and damn someone for being different from you?

Saturday, August 4, 2012

The Old Rugged T-handle



In a recent post, I strongly challenged the translation of the Hebrew word 'toevah'. This sparked even more deep thought and research into various translations. The Old Testament of the Bible is written in Hebrew. It has been translated into every language on the planet, numerous times. In English, we have the King James Version (KJV), New International Version (NIV), Living Word, New Living Translation, and many, many others.
While learning of the Hebrew translations into English, I came upon the fact that the Hebrew word 'toevah' has no direct translation. It is only through context and judgement of the translator what this word actually means in English. If this anomaly happens with 'teovah', how many other words are affected by the same problem? 

If the original text cannot be cleanly interpreted, one must learn Hebrew in order to understand better. Learning Hebrew would help, but would not eliminate the problem as many words apparently do not have a direct English translation, leading to exactly the same problem as trusting someone else's translation. 

If I cannot be completely certain that the words in a translation are accurate to the context in one verse, how can I be certain of the words in any verse? How can I trust any of the English translations of the Bible to have any accuracy whatsoever?

As an aircraft mechanic, I have studied and have become quite familiar with the Federal Aviation Regulations; a large tome consisting of fact written in plain English needing no translation. I can read and understand FAR's in my native tongue. 

Since this is a large tome of pure fact, why not call it the Bible Of Aviation? It really is. Why not follow it as religion? It does speak of The Administrator as a powerful, all knowing entity that shall not be challenged lest ye suffer great wrath!

Why not go all out and create the Federal Church of the Regulation? I can see it now, a pointy-hair with Coke-bottle glasses at the pulpit, wearing a navy blue jumpsuit, in front of a baptismal pool filled with Skydrol...
Follow with me as I read from Part 65 15:A, "And the Administrator spake unto thee, saying 'ye shall maintain thy credential lest it be rebuked, held my me, or taketh away by me.' Amen." Please rise and lift your 3/8" drive ratchet so that it may shine upon the world. Let no man dull the chrome of your 3/8" drive ratchet.

Keep your tools clean and your knives sharp.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Chick-Fil-A and Anti-Gay Christian Activists; Eat mor Lobster!

Leviticus is a very interesting read. So many Christians (among many other religions) quote Leviticus stating that homosexuality is an abomination (Leviticus 18:22 KJV).


If we look at another interesting chapter of Leviticus, chapter 11, we find a long list of 'abominations'. For instance, Leviticus 11:12,  
"Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you."
When all these folks get tired of protesting Chick-Fil-A, they need to pack their bags and head on over to the nearest Red Lobster. After all, eating shellfish is an abomination (no fins nor scales).


After a bit of research, it is painfully clear that there is a serious flaw in the King James Version of the Christian Bible. The original Hebrew text does not use 'abomination', rather, it says teovah. ReligionDispaches.org explains with excellent accuracy the use of the word teovah in many different contexts. The word simply cannot accurately translate to 'abomination'.


See the rest of the article here:
http://www.religiondispatches.org/.../does_the_bible_really_call_homosexuality_an_abomination


So, does the Bible say homosexuality is an abomination? No. It clearly does not.

Friday, March 2, 2012

I kill you til you die!



If I were on death row, I'd request the world's rarest truffle for my final meal. And while they're searching for it, I'd tunnel my way out of prison.

But I would miss the opportunity to enjoy the world's rarest truffle....

Quite the quandary. :-\